Why am I still here?
by Sylenceme
Summary: Felicity's feelings post Season 2. She isn't always bubbly. I am totally Olicity, but I often feel that Felicity is to good for Oliver, he doesn't treat her as well as he should.


**Pain:** the answer to the question asked her earlier today. If only it didn't take her hours to formulate a snappy come-back. She could have put all those judgmental, and …. entitled, people in the office in their place. Instead, she let them make her cry. At least she was able to make a hasty exit before anyone could see the tears in her eyes.

But it made her think….

Sitting at her desk in the Foundry, Felicity realized how completely true that answer was. Letting out a sigh of frustration she wonders: What am I doing here still, why did I let myself be drawn into this life? Why do I stay?!

**Pain:**

She had been threatened, hurt, knocked unconscious, drugged, held and gun point, held at SWORD point (honestly who uses a sword?!), and even almost blown up once. But that was just physical pain, that heals, the pain fades, the scars, well they would fade to…. but the emotional pain, that never leaves. She realizes she's lived with it, in one form or another, since she met Oliver.

**Pain:**

Embarrassment over her babbling she could live with, at least her remarks were honest. She'd take one honest word over veiled comments, shoulder touches, and long gazes any day! But actions speak louder than words. Things like how, Laurel always came first, it didn't matter how awful she had been, spewing words of hate, rejection, and even attempts to imprison!, she would Always. Come. First. And what about not being with people that mattered, the excuse for Isabel. Beautiful Isabel, what a snake. What a lame ass excuse! What a bold faced lie…. hello… SARAH. If he didn't want to take a chance being with someone who mattered, someone who he could truly care about, because he would be putting them in danger, why would the very next woman he was with be Sarah? Unless he was lying in Russia.

**Pain:**

Lies… Lies of omission: Other people on the island. Lies of convenience: Making her his Executive Assistant. Lies to deceive: The 2nd lair! Lies to gain power… the biggest lie of all "I love you"

Stiffening her spine she wondered: When did she start letting a man dictate how she lived her life? She wasn't a weak willed woman. She wasn't a fighter, not like _Sarah_, but she wasn't scared to stand up to anyone either, even when she should be. Why did she let him walk all over her? Why did she put her life on hold for him when he CLEARLY didn't deserve it, didn't even care? Why did his wishes and what was important to him supercede her wants and needs? Why did she let him continuously hurt her when she could stop it? Why was she still here?

Of course, the work was important... In a way she was fulfilling a duty. She was in the position to help others, didn't she have a duty to do so? Didn't she have a moral obligation to help Oliver and the people of Starling City who were in trouble or who couldn't help themselves? But… he could do this work without her, he had before she started helping him, maybe not as well, but …. but nothing, there had been times that the "save" was on her, if she hadn't been on the team, someone would have died. Oliver would have died.

And then there was the one she couldn't save, the one Oliver didn't have to feel guilty over because it was her fault, it was on her. She was the one that couldn't find him in time, as Oliver was so kind to point out.

But, being on the team made her a LOT more likely to die herself. Did she have an obligation to help others if it put her own life at risk? Oliver did it, but she wasn't like him. She was honest, and caring, and didn't have something to make up for.

What do you get when you work for a man who cares enough about the city and the people in it, that he would sacrifice YOUR happiness to keep it safe? Used…. you get used. And thats exactly what she feels like, empty, used up.

And a headache blooms behind her eyes, Great, more pain! Her reward for a day full of questions unanswered.

Sighing again, she pulls the bluetooth from her ear and logs off the computers in front of her. Gathering her purse, she turns off the lights and locks up for the night. She'll let Oliver know tomorrow she was fired…. maybe.

Crawling into bed that night she thinks,

What other answer to that question could there be?: What currency does Oliver pay you in Felicity? …..

**Pain.**


End file.
